Reese's Pieces and Ass to Mouth

"Advisory: If your date wants to see "The Human Centipede," have a long talk with yourself about who this person really is."- Roger Ebert from Twitter

I am the type of person Ebert is talking about. Me and my lady went to see "Human Centipede" last night at the IFC center in New York. After watching the trailer on youtube (Link at Bottom) I knew it was something I had to see.

Before I go into a review of "Human Centipede" I cannot forget my meal card, Candy.

I decided on Reese's Pieces as my candy of choice for the film. They are delicious and being in large but still ass-rapingly overpriced bags there is a good amount of them to eat. Reese's Pieces are part of the Holy Trinity of movie candy. The other two members of this club are Skittles and Sour Patch Kids. As previously noted, Whoppers are fucking disgusting and the same goes for Juju beans. You will never go wrong selecting Skittles, Reese's Pieces or Sour Patch Kids.

Whether you have a drink or not is the deciding factor on which to choose. If you have one, Reese's Pieces are the way to go. If you don't you are screwed because RP's will make you thirsty as all hell. Sour Patch Kids are the one to pick if you don't have a drink because it has less sodium content. (Admission: All this information is from my own experiences. If you want to be an untrusting dick about it, you can google the nutritional values)

The Human Centipede:

copyright infringement? hmmm

Let me just say I really wanted to love this movie. The premise was original (creating a centipede out of humans) and the main character was a German mad scientist. Badass. The tagline to the movie is "100% Medically Accurate". Dr. Heiter's objective is to have the second human connected to the first human's asshole, the third human connected to the second human's asshole, etc, etc.... and for everyone bitching about the motive and nutritional values of the candies and junk food I review here, I will say objectively all of them have more value than human shit. Sorry Dr. Heiter I know you are german but eating shit is not a balanced diet. Your centipede does not have a long life-span.

I'll be honest, I went in there wanting to be shocked and disgusted, neither one happened. There were a few gross scenes namely when the Asian man, who was the first section of the centipede (lucky bastard) apologized for pooping in the mouth of the girl connected to her and when Dr. Heiter had his O-face on after lapping up blood. but most of the film was a predictable cat and mouse-mouse-mouse chase. There was way too many cliche scenes in which you knew where they would end up.

The actor who played Dr. Heiter did a really good job and was convincing. There were a decent amount of hilarious lines in the film that i'm unsure were done intentionally or not. My favorite was when he caught one of the girls who was trying to escape and looked at her with a fucked up look and said "YOU ARE NOW THE SECOND PIECE"

Worth seeing but wait for it on dvd or find it online. yeah I said it. rob/steal/pillage and eat Reese's Pieces while you do it.